Several weeks go by and Army Officer sporadically reaches out with a text message or phone call, generally about nothing. He still doesn’t know what he wants, but what I know is I’m not interested in being strung along. I eventually tell him he needs to stop contacting me and his final message was, “But I miss you.”
A week goes by with no word from him, until a bouquet of flowers arrives at the house with the note, “I’m sorry. I miss you. I hope I can see you when I am home for Thanksgiving.” I ignore it.
The Sunday before Thanksgiving he showed up at my door with flowers in hand. It was awkward seeing him. I felt dead when I saw him; not happiness, not angry, not sadness, just empty. We drove to a restaurant to get lunch late afternoon. We small talked the whole way there, but I was impatiently waiting for him to talk about something of substance. I wanted answers.
After sitting down at the table and placing our order, he opened the discussion. He said that he “fucked up” and made a mistake in breaking up with me and that I was likely right about him not being able to feel like he was falling in love with me because we didn’t have sex. He was confusing feelings of love (or lack there of) with lust and endorphins.
Without much other discussion he announced that he wanted to get back together with me. I told him that up until that very moment, I didn’t even know he wanted that and that I would have to think about it. I explained the trust that I had in him was gone because of his actions. I also expressed that I didn’t really feel like he loved me, and more than anything, that is what I want. On top of all that, the concerns I had with him to begin with: the previous marriage, the Army, the long distance, all rose to the top of my mind during those weeks apart in order to help my get over him when he walked away. All of those things which weren’t concerns when I trusted him were now issues. All the while we were having this discussion, he seemed very upset, and I of course was as well. But that didn’t stop the waitress from constantly checking in on us and interrupting, making the whole conversation exponentially more awkward than it already was.
Aside from all of the concerns I shared, I told him that the chastity discrepancies were still a huge issue. He said he was more understanding and praying about it, but after grilling him some more, I’m not so sure I was convinced.
I agreed to meet up with him again the following day for dinner out. I took the night to think about things, and to convince myself to at least entertain the idea of forgiving him. I mean, it’s not like he cheated on me or did anything really terrible. He just freaked out and dumped me. I spent the next afternoon getting ready for him to pick me up. I decided I would not be angry or ream him out like I did the day before, I would go, have fun and see if there was a way to reconcile. That is, until his sister texted me an hour before he was to pick me up. She is a big believer in chastity and was pissed when he dumped me. So she reached out and shared some thoughts on where his head was at. She also revealed that he had been seriously seeing another girl shortly after we broke up, right up until that weekend, as far as she was aware. I was fuming.
We spent dinner that night discussing chastity again, until I asked how his dating life was going. When I called him out, he turned green. He brushed it off, saying that he had gone out a little but nothing serious (which I didn’t believe). Here I am thinking that he’s spending these weeks apart in prayer, pining over me and realizing he lost the love of his life. When in reality, he was messing around with other girls.
He left to go home a few days later. He was adamant we get back together, promising to fly me out to see him; asking me to spend New Years with him. But I’m just as confused as ever. Partly because I’m angry with him and don’t trust him. Partly because I’ve started seeing other people.